Every Cloud Is Silver Lined

Since Stefan is at daycare most part of the day, he now misses Thomas & Friends on TV. So, occasionally, I would just let him watch the DVD if he comes home from school. As I watched with him I saw this sing-along video. I never would have thought that I could pick up something from children's videos, let alone be moved by them. While Stefan got entertained by his favorite Thomas characters (Bill and Ben in this one), I couldn't help but sing along and found the lyrics inspiring and timely. Stefan sang along, too. So, play the video and sing along!

No Interruptions

Our typical eat-out

Sherwin and I went out for lunch without Stefan today for the very first time since he was born.  He was at daycare, exactly where he was supposed to be.  And within that time, so were we.  Getting out of the house and in to the car without having to strap Stefan onto his carseat alone felt liberating.  Typical actions we do often that we take for granted, that without responsibility at that moment, felt really good to do for the very first time.  Taking advantage of his absence made us look and feel like mice running out to play while the cat was away. We rarely had a meal as quick and quiet as we had today.  The first time we could order all the spicy dishes our palate can take, not having to have corn soup instead of the tastier hot & sour soup, and not having to give up my spring roll for the wee little one who loves it.  More importantly, we were able to have good conversation with the great meal with no interruptions.

 

Today is Stefan’s first long day at daycare.  Dropping him off was pretty easy.  He didn’t refuse to stay, neither did he hold on to me to make me stay.  The hard part was driving back home and realizing he was okay while I was not and that the one who would have the separation anxiety after all was me, and not him.  For the past weeks I was preparing the family for this transition - the change in routine and schedule - but I guess, there can never be enough preparation for the emotional transition.  I was never seperated from him for the last three years, so – trust me - this is not going to be easy for me.   

 

I am not used to being at home without Stefan.   He keeps me on my toes all the time.  Now all of a sudden, the tasks I would normally do all day long vanished with him.  I didn’t have to go up and down to check on him, to keep wiping the floor so he can walk barefoot, to read him books one after another as he would often demand, to pick up his books he lays on the floor all the time, to constantly check if he’s on his bed for nap or if he has already sneaked out of his room, to prepare his meal and snacks, and the many other things I do for and with him.  With time on my hands now, I can finally do my laundry, wash the dishes from breakfast, watch the morning shows I haven’t watched in a long time, read the books I got from the library, water the grass, prepare ingredients for dinner, send out resumes for job application, check email, write on my blog, and do other house chores… this time with no interruptions.

 

Shortly after I get done with all these, he’ll be home and he can have my time and attention, with no interruptions, too.

 

Daydreaming is My BusYness

 

"It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?"

- Henry David Thoreau

“Busy” is often my answer when asked how I am doing.  Busy with too much I don’t run out of things to do and sometimes busy doing nothing.  I was emailing nobela to Harriet today and found it strange that I didn’t just pick up the phone and call her.  There’s always this notion that she might be busy or I am busy when she’s not. 

The idea of time - having time, making time and no time – here is different from what I’ve been used to.  Back in Manila I have the privilege (yes, I call that a privilege) of meeting my family almost everyday while also seeing my cousins and friends every now and then.  Because Papa lets me use his car is a different story.  I also get to talk to my sister every single day.  Here, people who live as close as even just 30 minutes away may not even have that luxury (yes, it is also a luxury).  One might meet grocery cashiers more often than he would anybody he knows.  Guilty!  While I would telebabad in Manila, here our phone just sits and collects dust.  And while before I would exceed my text messaging limit with my cellphone, here I don’t even own one.  Sherwin does, but he charges his phone more often than he uses it.  Texting is a long gone hobby. 

 

One would say, I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t have work, what makes me busy?  To that I say, I have a 24/7 job and it’s the hardest job on earth.  Now is that enough explanation why I am often busy?  I am not complaining though.  I am a happy homemaker.  But there are times I wonder if my life would be any different if I had not migrated, except only to realize that the what-ifs would be a waste of time to delve into.  After all, there will never be a finite picture, only imagination.

 

A plane ticket to go home is pricey.  To hire a maid is even more costly.  To sit down and do nothing would be like dead.  This is where daydreaming sets in.  It allows you to be with anyone anywhere anytime in thoughts.  It feels good while it lasts.  It takes you away from the so-called busy life for a while and puts you back giving you a different aura.  It makes you appreciate and embrace reality – where you are, where you come from and where you’re going to be.

 

And did I say it is free?

 

 

When Serendipity Makes Friends

Her name rang a bell before we’ve even met. It must be our common ground. She was editor/writer for one of ABS CBN's fashion magazines. I was the avid reader. We were not yet born when our mothers were neighbors in Caloocan. Serendipity brought our mothers to meet more than 30 years later at Alex III restaurant.  Traded stories about their children until finding out they have daughters in Canada.  Auntie Gloria recounts how my Mom could barely pronounce Mississauga - where we both currently live.  What a coincidence!  It must have been a brief meeting to catch up, to think it's been years.  So Auntie Gloria paid Mom a visit shortly after.  Dropped off a book for Harriet.  Traded more stories.  Had halo-halo J

 

Then finally Harriet and I met, thousands of miles from where I first read her name, in a different time zone, with a now different occupation, but still in that common ground. Although she reads more and writes better, we share the same enthusiasm for magazines, and for celebrities, food, fashion, lifestyle and most recently, blogs. Add to that, since we are now mothers ourselves, we share parenting tips (with more experience, mostly she does).

 

This true-life "Serendipity" gives me shivers upto now, to see how two people who had an almost negligible connection could find their way to each other and become friends.

 

P.S. Auntie Lesian (in yellow shirt) was Mom's classmate from PCHS '55-'58. She lives in Toronto. Her daughter Diane (not in the picture) happens to be a close friend of Harriet. Serendipity it is!

 

Favorites Things: At Home

 

• Camp chairs on our deck I can keep if it rains or if it’s winter, but, truth is, I want to keep it from collecting dust.
• Artificial tree to bring the outdoor in
• Historic Boston candle, a gift from Gyneth
• Twigs to liven up a boring corner
• Rattan-base lamp shade
• My files neatly tucked in my Billy bookcase
• Stefan’s clock, a mix of wood and steel
• Remote control holder that is Bali-feel
• Sherwin says the 2 trees in this painting are the two of us, together wherever we may be... eeew!
• Vanilla-scented candles
• Soft cushions
• Teflon pans in pucci and damask prints
• Picture frames of families
• Green-stripes armchair and curtain to match
• Sungka my dining table centerpiece that Mom bought all the way from Manila
• Another vanilla-scented candle for the bathroom

I adhere to the same fashion statement when it comes to my house.  My home is pretty much an extension of myself.  I want people to walk into my home and know who I am, where I have been, what I like and what moves me.  Things don’t have to be expensive to look good.  I’m more of function and style.  Paintings don’t have to be original.  I’d rather it has meaning to me - aside from its decorative purpose - than it is going to be a Picasso or Malang (aside from I cannot afford them).  I have often wanted my home to look like a page from a magazine, but that’s hard to achieve now especially when you have a train track in your living room, or when there are always Stefan’s odds and ends in all other parts of the house.  I still make a conscious effort though to keep the house neat and clutter-free (that’s my obsessive compulsive behavior).  I want my home to be a place where I would love to come home to at the end of the day, or where I could just stay home, sit down and unwind.

 

 

My Fashion Statement

 

I love fashion, but I don’t follow trends.  I am not a mallrat either.  Hard to be one when there’s so much things to do at home and for the family.  With four “fashion” seasons, a preschooler, and bills to pay, I update my wardrobe only when necessary.  I buy new makeup when the old ones expire.  I jazz up a plain old outfit with accessories.  There’s SALE season and there are outlet malls where you can indulge once in a while.  And then, there are gifts.  It is a different story if I see something I “love at first sight”.

 

But then, there will always be the clothes that I will wear until the color fades, the perfume that I will use until the last drop, shoes that are so comfy I'll slip on until it’s worn out, jacket I'll wear season after season, and other pieces I so love that I just couldn’t depart from.  Here are just some of them:

 

A) The light and fresh scent of Elizabeth Arden’s Green Tea;

B) Blue and pink eyeshadow;

C) Bedside staples I put on every night;

D) Talc-free face powder;

E) A favorite t-shirt;

F) My plain tees;

G) Hair pieces;

H) Spring trench with beautiful embroidery;

 I) Belts to accessorize (and in case the pants get loose);

J) Chokers, lariats, bracelets, earrings and my wedding ring;

K) My obi with chinese textile design;

L) The often-mistaken-as-Gucci tote bag;

M) Ipanema flipflops with its attractive pattern and writings;

N) Ballet flats that never go out of style;

O) Adidas-looking sneakers;

P) Toiletry bag I love for its print

 

 

Fashion is what catches your attention when you see them, what you can afford if you want to buy them, what makes you feel attractive when you try them, and what makes you comfortable wearing them.

 

 

Cure for the Heartache

 I’ve been down and low for the past many weeks after a petty squabble with someone that hugely grew out of proportion.  The argument had its roots, but as in most cases, we ended up arguing about how to argue.  It was heart-wrenching to go through the hurting for so long especially when I am the type who would sulk in silence rather than dish the dirt to just anyone I would talk to.

 

While the misunderstanding has yet to be resolved (or no not never, I hope not), I am moving on and moving forward.  Although it’s easier said than done, I am getting by with the endless love and understanding from my all-time confidant – Sherwin, who else.  I realized that I don’t have to look too far and ask where’s everybody else when you already have him right in front of you.  He telling me “You always have me” is just icing on the cake.

 

When the weather hit above 35C the past week, knowing me as a tightwad esp with utilities, he sent me a note from work asking me not to scrimp on electricity, turn on the A/C and he will just work extra hours to pay for our comfort.  When eating, he gives me the best part of the chicken (but the leg is non-negotiable).  He gives me the last piece of sansrival because he knows it’s my favorite.  He gets the burnt pork BBQ stick so I will not have it.  He washes the dishes for me if I am tired.  He changes Stefan when I have had too much to deal with already.  He listens to my bakya showbiz and blog talks.  He watches Entertainment Tonight, America’s Next Top Model, Desperate Housewives, and the likes with me (but I watch Prison Break & NBA with him, too).  He allows me to leave the curtain open to sleep so I can see the moon and the stars from my side even if it’s bright at his.  He is always concerned if I am getting enough rest, enough sleep, enough drink, etc.  He would let me drive the nicer car.  He trusts my fashion sense.  And my opinion about everything, to him, is just as important as his own. 

 

These are just a few of those sensitivities that you never would have expected from someone.  In high school these could be the equivalent of what would have been kilig moments.  But to me, it’s the cure for my (every) heartache. 

 

Wedding & Anniversaries (July 2002-2007)

 

"It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you.  This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime."

– Bridges of Madison County